Carl Jung

We are all influenced by others, throughout our lives.  This one man and his wonderful mind, has influenced me greatly:


1.”One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious.”

2. “Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving, otherwise you won’t meet the one who’s coming.”

3. “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

4. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

5. “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

6. “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

7. “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

8. “If you are a gifted person, it doesn’t mean that you gained something. It means you have something to give back.”

9. “Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.”

10. “Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

11. “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”

12. “Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

13. “Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”

14. “A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”

15. “Your perception will become clear only when you can look into your soul.”

16. “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

17. “What you resist, persists.”

18. “A dream is a small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens up to that primeval cosmic night that was the soul, long before there was the conscious ego.”

19. “We may think that we fully control ourselves. However, a friend can easily reveal something about us that we have absolutely no idea about.”

20. “Everything about other people that doesn’t satisfy us helps us to better understand ourselves.”

Most of us are under pressure to be nice, good, kind, friendly, caring and so on.  Most of us are also judged harshly on our imperfections, our human traits, our natural negative responses.  We can be cast aside as a scape-goat, judged, shunned, and outcast, if we are not like the pure vision of goodness that all those fairy tale characters portrayed.  I needed to use fairy tales as an example, as I do not know any human who is a perfect ray of light and purity.  I know many who try to appear that way, but scratch the surface and there is usually a much darker side to them, that they work hard to hide.

Personally in my circles of choice, the people are not always ‘nice’ and this suits my desire to be surrounded by genuine uniqueness and individuality.  My friendships are strong, having to be nice or be anything does not come into the equation.  Simply ‘being’ and accepting is what we are about.  We do not have hidden rules and agenda’s set like trigger wires ready to trip someone up.  Or traps set ready to grip any faults or inadequacies and scream them out loud.  We can go for ages and ages with no contact and know that nothing will change.  We can forget events, we can be selfish at times, we can focus and prioritize other things without a second thought, because our friendships are strong and not weak.

Acceptance and unconditional positive regard are part of the ingredients that allows our friendships to flourish long-term.  Those qualities do not only reside in our friendships, they reside in our hearts.  We accept ourselves, we accept we are human, we do not fear making mistakes, we never try to be someone we are not, we get a little lost on the wrong path at times, but our friends are there if we ask for a nudge or simply to greet us on return.  We are comfortable accepting we are not all rays of light, we are a mixture of light and dark, or greatness and dysfunction and of love and caring and maybe at times selfishness.  My friendships are that strong, that certain characters with a certain level of integrity are safe to be selfish.  Throw away the rule book, what kind of friend would stand there licking their fingers to flick through one, testing you in exam like conditions ‘are you adding up’?  I do not wish to swear but my response would take only two words if I was ever faced with that.

Yes it is good to be caring, and for me my attitude is caring, it is accepting, my loved ones are safe.  The only time I veer from this philosophy is when I am faced with hostility and judgement, as then I am putting up a boundary to keep that attitude at bay whilst fighting my own darkness that can often feel stirred.

We have a mind and we need to use it.  We have to stop following blindly like sheep and stop and ask ourselves ‘who am I’?  Then we need to surround ourselves with people who allow us to explore that concept safely, loving us and our discovery about ourselves.  Not those that look like they have a ‘fart on their face’ the minute you veer away from the mind numbing crowd of ‘normality’.


I love my friends and I love the fact my friendship excel in authenticity and have lasted through years of changes on both sides.  Only last night one of said friends had me snorting like a pig, laughing during an exchange of tex messages.  The therapeutic value of that is priceless.

We need to be more comfortable in our own skin and less dependent on others for our identity and our happiness.  We need this time so we can learn about our darkness and our light, and with that awareness grow in the direction of our choice.

Many turn to therapy due to feeling lost, empty, like something is missing and tired of feeling discontent after every external gratification fades.  Often what is lost is a connection with the true self.  Only one person will prioritize you in this life and that is you.  You may meet co-dependants who will prioritize you, but that is only due to their true self often being lost.  Some need you to fill their ‘voids’ so will prioritise you to ease their own angst.  Love is whole, and love is when two whole’s can come together.  You can not be whole until you accept yourself fully.  Accept your flaws, let go of guilt and shame, make positive changes if need be and shine.

My darkness is stirred by the darkness in others, that is why I choose my circles carefully, but once established those circle have room to breath.

Our light gains strength in its battle to shine.

Shine on to my one true friend who I will miss forever.

Angela Neild

Manchester Counselling





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